OMG!! Thank God I have good people here.
After trying 20+ other work-around attempts including scheduling the report to be emailed and printing as PDF and exporting as every format available, the secret was found.
Part of the secret = use Safari (if you’re a mac user). When the report starts to loading in Safari, click “alert me later” on the status pop-up. It keeps the report collapsed when it saves it to the finished report cue and the report doesn’t end with “The results of this report are too large Please narrow your results”. The trick is Safari because in Chrome you just get a blank window while it attempts to generate the report… therefore, no “alert me later” button. Every other conceivable way to do it in Chrome fails.
-Tom